Cloning human beings has been illegal to this day. That makes it safe to say that everybody has a mother and a father. A biological mother and a biological father, to be more precise, because the difference is quite important. My grandmother had a tile in her hallway with this saying printed on it. “Becoming a father is favour, being a father is quite an art” it said. I’m sure she didn’t put it up there for fun.
My father and mother were, and still are, really a father and mother to me. In turn I learned to be a good parent for my children. For the three chidren that are not my biological offspring as well, by the way. It wasn’t easy and I made some big mistakes but all in all it wasn’t bad at all. Especially over the last couple of years I learned a lot about the role I played then, and the role I should be playing now. I had the oldest three on loan from their biological parent and only recently I understood how things happened. I don’t have much to say about it except that I can understand how hard it is to see your children vanish from your life.
It seems to be going well with the children given the circumstances. One went back home, and I hope he’ll graduate shortly. I don’t know much about the eldest and maybe that’s for the best. The youngest of the three grew up to be this wonderful independent young woman who calls me regularly to tell me what’s on her mind and what’s bothering her.
And then there’s the two children who are my biological children. I’m not just their biological parent, I’m their biological father. With a mother’s heart, but a father still, a daddy. Especially after finally becoming who I really am, I should make sure they’ll never lose their dad. And that’s easier said than done.
I get an update on Benjamin from his school every Friday and this Friday’s update read: “In the second half of the morning we worked on presents for Father’s Day. Benjamin worked really hard on it.”. His teacher added that she would keep the present for me and that I could come and pick it up somewhere next week.
I don’t really like Father’s day and Mother’s day. I don’t feel Mother’s Day is my day because I didn’t give birth to the children. Father’s Day isn’t my day because it emphasizes something I’d rather not emphasize too much. On the other hand, I’m very proud to be their father, and not just their biological father. I’m their daddy, I’m worth that title, and I’m desperate to prove it. 21 weeks is way too long.

I still can’t get the words on that tile out of my head.

Becoming a father is favour, being a father is quite an art.

I miss you terribly.

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